Evaluating My Communication and Listening Styles

For this week's assignment,  I completed three self assessments concerning my communication styles and listening:  1. )  Communication Anxiety 2.) Verbal Aggressiveness and 3.) Listening Styles.  I also asked my husband and a colleague complete these same assessments to provide me with feedback regarding how others view my communication and listening.  I was surprised that there was only one difference in the scoring of all the assessments between my scores and that of my family member and colleague.  My husband rated my communication anxiety as very low and judged me to be very confident in my communication whereas my colleague and I noted that I am uneasy in some situations but that I generally don't worry about communication.  The difference in the scores between my husband and I was substantial- over 10 points.  This surprised me as I thought that my husband and I would differ on my verbal aggressiveness rather than anxiety. 

My husband, my colleague and I rated my verbal aggressiveness as moderate.  The results of this assessment show that I maintain a good balance between respecting the viewpoint of others and arguing the facts without  attacking the person.   

Concerning my listening style, my husband, my colleague and I rated me as people oriented- trusting of others and an empathetic listener who is concerned with the emotions of others.  This result actually surprised my husband who after completing this assessment commented that he felt that I am action oriented- more business like, preferring clear to the point communication.   (I think this is because my husband can never make up his mind and I often have to push him to get to the point and make a decision.) 

The insight that I gained through this assignment is that apparently I have perceived my own communication and listening skills accurately since my scores for the most part matched that of my family member and co-worker.  I would agree that I am an empathetic listener, that I will argue with others but keep my arguments factual, and that even if I am slightly uneasy in some communication situations, I tend to not display that uneasiness or let it affect my ability to communicate in a number of situations.  Since I work on a daily basis with people in a variety of one on one, small group and large group situations it is important that I am able to communicate effectively.   

Communicating with Diverse Individuals

I  believe that I do communicate with others differently based on the situation rather than their affiliation with a social group or culture.  I can see this when I speak with different sized groups or groups made up of different audiences.  I am much more conscious of my language when speaking with larger groups and also when speaking with others in a professional manner versus when I am talking with family and friends.  However, overall, I believe I speak to others as I would want them to speak to me.  I tend to be polite and genuine in my communication with others regardless of who they are.  The three strategies I would identify when communicating with diverse individuals would be:

1.  Be mindful.  This means being aware of your own behavior as well as the behavior of others.  Looking for signs from non verbal communication  as well as being aware of the potentially unintentional messages that you may be sending through body language.  It also means thinking before you speak and considering the possible effects of what you are going to say. 

2.  Be Respectful.  Regardless of whether you share beliefs with the person you are communicating with or not, it is important to be respectful in communicating.  Appreciating others who are different will help to appreciate their different ways of communicating and interacting.   Appreciation  can be built by getting to know the person you are communicating with. 

3.  Listen.  I believe that every person wants to be heard.  I think it is an important skill when communicating with anyone regardless of culture.
 

Mike and Molly

For this week's assignment on communication, my instructions were to watch a show that I don't usually watch without the sound and try to determine what the relationships were between characters just by watching the body language.   I chose to watch Mike and Molly.  While watching the show there were a few relationships that were obvious by the body language but at times the body language did not indicate the real relationships of the characters.  

Some of the relationships that were obvious were the relationships between Mike and Molly.  The first scene showed them sitting in bed together, hugging and kissing so it was obvious that they were in an intimate relationship.  However it wasn't obvious whether they were married or not.  The second relationship was the relationship between Mike and his police partner.  There was one scene with both of them dressed in their uniforms eating a meal together. It was pretty obvious that they were partners for work.  Later scenes showed them in "street" clothes hanging out together so they obviously had a friendship beyond work.

Some relationships were more difficult to discern merely through body language.  In particular in the scene with the police officers, a lady enters the restaurant to talk to Mike's partner.   She hands him a box, they both get up and walk toward the door.  He attempts to hug her when she holds her hand out to shake his.  It wasn't until I watched the show with sound that I realized that this relationship was an affair that ended after the women went back to her husband.  However it was obvious through his body language that he was sad throughout the rest of the show. 

Other relationships that were not obvious were the relationships between Molly and her mother and sister.  I guessed that she was friends with these characters only to find out they were related.  Another relationship that was not obvious was the relationship between Molly and her mother-in-law.  I guessed that this women was a nosey neighbor who came to Molly's yard sale.  Actually, it was her mother in law.  The final relationship that was not obvious was the relationship between two of Mike's friends.  When I watched the show without sound I really didn't think these two characters were friends.  The one friend rolled his eyes, and at times looked very annoyed at the other.  When I watched the show with sound, this particular exchange was full of sarcasm but the two characters were friends. 

Through this experience, I learned that powerful messages are communicated through body language.  Without sound, I was able to focus on body language only.  I noticed that closer relationships were characterized by physical closeness between people and physical contact.  I also learned that sometimes body language could be deceiving as was the case during the exchange that had sarcasm involved.  In fact body language in this case was completely misleading and did not match the relationship.  I believe this can happen when underlying feelings are being covered up or differ from the words that are used.  In fact, body language can indicate underlying feelings that may differ from the words being said. 

A Great Communicator

When I think of someone who is skilled at communicating, I think of my brother.  My brother is employed as a business manager, but I often joke with him that he should have been a politician or a lawyer.  This is because of his skill at communicating in a way that makes people listen and like him.  What makes him a good communicator?  First and foremost, he speaks with integrity.  Unlike a politician however he doesn't tell people things that are not true in an attempt to "win them over".  Instead he speaks truthfully.  If he tells someone that he is going to do something,  he does it.  He also speaks honestly.  Sometimes he is so honest that I wonder why others don't get mad at him.  He is the friend that will tell you what you need to hear rather than what you want to hear.  For that reason, I think others respect him.  He also speaks with confidence.  I think when a person speaks with confidence others tend to listen.  Finally, my brother is a good listener as well as a speaker.  Most important,  he is very good at not only listening but "reading" people and adjusting how he communicates and interacts with them based on his intuition and the situation.

I have often wanted to be a great communicator like my brother.  His frank honesty that is delivered in a way that is helpful is something that I need to be able to do in my work to address any issues that may arise.   In addition, I work with many different types of people in various situations, so reading others and adjusting my communication in those situations is an important skill, one that I am still practicing.